Δευτέρα, 8 Οκτωβρίου 2012

Choice: Autopsy/Anatomy

Most of the badness in life derives from choices - external events are ultimately irreversible, and the voice in your head knows it. But, what about the would've, could've, should've clusterfuck that follows every half-assed choice? I know one is supposed to 'own their choices' and 'leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on' but what does this all even mean?

 Did I 'own' it when I decided to never say no? I mean, can you own the choice about not owning your choices? Thinking back, all the choices that scarred me were, in one way or another, instigated by fear - fear of the alternative. But you can't trick the mind - it will forever remember that the alternatives were there and discarded. But maybe it's unfair for it to do so, since when asked to aid with the choice, it agreed with the fear and deferred.

 I haven't grown up in an environment that favored alternatives. You are either going to do X, or you aren't - but if you aren't, God help you, you're on your own, and that's so unknown and terrifying

. I am not so scared to ask for alternative colors or items in stores because the clerk, I feel, is obliged to cater to this. The rest of life does not quite work that way - how does one ask for alternatives, if they deep-down feel grateful/honored to even have one choice? Maybe they don't, and maybe that's OK. But I don't understand how gratitude and honor makes you unable to speak logically - and that's when the voice in my head starts to yell 'COWARDICE!!' and the meta-discussion (pretty much the reason I have this blog) begins.

2 σχόλια:

  1. I can relate somehow. For me, it is that I don't know how people would react in asking something from them (I don't like to annoy them) and the second part is that usually I can live (sometimes with a sufficiently large penalty) less without asking them.

    Nevertheless, as we grow up, we (try to) learn. In Python, there is a nice concept:
    "Prefer to ask for forgiveness, not for permission."

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