He said, he wanted to grab me by the shoulders and shake me up until I realized I did not have to be a victim anymore. But he didn't actually do it. And he only said it outloud because we were sitting in a circle of chairs and talking about our feelings with a referee. I owe a lot to this room with the chairs, although it might have all been imaginary.
Πέμπτη, 26 Απριλίου 2012
I found this in the drafts (September 2011) I think I allow myself to express only what is acceptable from the point of view of others and, likewise, I get really mad when someone expresses something that I didn't reasonably *allow* them to express - the nerve of some people, to insist on contacting me when I've made it "clear" I am not interested - I have put walls in my communication channels for a reason. But what about my point of view? Am I doing it again? Muting everything that matters, until it's too late and I am not feeling it anymore? What a waste of potential, inspiration and feelings. Fuck.This.Shit. I like romance! I like to be with someone where it's safe to express feelings, not sweep them under the fucking carpet, lest things get too serious. I don't want any of this 'takin' it easy' crap, not when I am CONVINCED I want to spend a lot of time with someone, even if I am somehow mistaken and projecting and they don't really deserve it. If there was something that you said or a certain way that you looked that inspired me, it's not casual anymore, I am sorry, and it is a huge fucking problem if you don't feel the same way.